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YOUTUBE image HYDRO colon therapy
Diane Kazer

Diane Kazer

Certified Functional Diagnostic Nutrition Practitioner specializing in hormones, detoxification and self love

Colon Hydrotherapy 3 MUST KNOW’s to a Flat Sexy Belly

Colon Hydrotherapy Cleansing your Colon (and the Confusion) with 3 MUST KNOW's

Yo beautiful warriors.

I'm about to share with you my MAIN secret to health that I believe not only saved my life, but my ass too.  LOL  HOW?  Why am I so passionate about keeping the colon clean?

As you may know from reading MY BIO, I was a sick kid, teenager and young adult until I became a Functional Diagnostic Nutritionist, and ran several Functional labs on myself, that doctors would roll their eyes at.  Why?  Med school teaches them anatomy of the body, and how to lab test for and diagnose disease so they can fit a procedure or a pill into a prescription or protocol.  This makes the medical system and the doctors very wealthy, but it leaves US still unhealthy.  WHY?  The way we're trained is to explore root causes of disease and help restore underlying sources of disfunction that brought them on.  HOW?  By running necessary labs to explore toxicity issues, which are downstream to WHY we suffer hormone imbalance, mood issues, skin defects, and anything that makes us feel Fat, Fatigued and Frustrated, really. I go MUCH deeper into Hormonal Chaos and how to Reverse it in my Sexy Body Series.

For the sake of this blog, all you need to know is that BEFORE I did colonics and deeper detox work, my colon was like a huge party of Grand Theft auto characters, we'll call them BUGS, stealing things at the wee hours of the night whilst I slept and even in daylight.  It didn't matter…these BUGS gave me a number of unwanted symptoms and diseases such as:

  • Hashimoto's Hypothyroid
  • Rosacea
  • SIBO – Extreme Bloating
  • Hormonal Imbalance
  • PMS
  • Painful periods
  • Depression
  • Puffiness
  • Teeth Grinding
  • Shortness of Breath
  • Lower Back pain
  • Dandruff
  • Brain Fog
  • Fatigue
  • Muscle Wasting

I could go on and on and on.

What was causing all of that?

My stool test confirmed I was full of parasites (worms), candida (fungus) and many forms of opportunistic bacteria.  Now, keep in mind my first stool test came up CLEAN, but I didn't feel that way. So I persisted and went ahead cleansing with colonics and the tenants I teach in my WARRIOR CLEANSE, which I developed as a result of the success I had in my healing journey, as well as hundreds of clients and patients I worked with over the years.  After one year of following this protocol, my next stool test confirmed I had a HUGE frat party of bugs swimming around my colon, tearing up my tissues and eating my nutrients.

ISN'T THAT SO SEXY?

You might be confused so allow me to explain.  These bugs had likely been around for so long, they learned to adapt by burrowing their bodies and hiding deep in my tissues and colonic mucous lining, that the basic yearly cleanses, exercise and yoga daily, and squeaky clean 6 meal per day bodybuilding diet, wasn't going to cut it.  REAL cleansing takes more work than simply swallowing some Milk Thistle pills.  I truly believe that EVERY person will benefit from regular colonics, and every person's needs will be different.  BUT, today it's simply not enough to ‘just poop once a day', eat veggies at every meal and do a three day juice cleanse once a year.  And of course, no allopathic, conventional doctor is going to talk to you about ANYTHING I cover in this post, so please keep an open mind that again, doctors are not trained on any of this, in fact they are trained that we all have pathogens and they do not cause problems.

We beg to differ. And we dig to better (your health that is)!  🙂  

This blog is intended to cover the protocol I recommend for clients and warriors who desire OPTIMAL, Superhero status health, and who are tired of living AVERAGE.  So let's bust some myths and answer the questions most people have when they first hear about colonics, to ease your mind that you're not going to walk into your appointment, with a huge firefighter hose shoved up your ass.

MYTH: I only need to do colonics if i have issues pooping.

This is the BIGGEST assumption I hear people make when the conversation is open about how amazingly therapeutic colonics are to our health for prevention and pampering.  The answer is:

NO!  there are 3 good reasons why professional and x pro athletes myself do it for prevention, performance optimization and beauty.

  1.  hydration (4 liters) – DEHYDRATION IS ONE OF THE #1 CAUSES FOR RELENTLESS FOOD CRAVINGS
  2.  enhanced nutrient absorption – PATHOGENS EAT OUR NUTRIENTS TO SUSTAIN THEMSELVES
  3.  removal of toxins – acidic diet creates pockets in our colon wall skin, where bugs and toxins can hide and cause damage. i see a LOT of toxicity in our clients and patients stool tests – parasites, candida, bacteria, superbugs, heavy metals.   why is colon cancer on the rise?  hmmmm  LESS TOXINS = MORE SKIN GLOW, LESS CELLULITE, LESS FAT B/C THERE ARE LESS BEAUTY ROBBERS IN THE BODY

Then of course…the next most popular thing I hear is the very vein, super human, egocentric question asked of and addressed by, Kitty Marteen, Colon Hydrotherapist (the one working healing magic in the video above), in her blog “The Happy Crapper“:

WILL A COLONIC MAKE MY STOMACH FLAT?

Q:  Sometimes I eat a few bites of food and my stomach blow up. It sticks out and gets rock hard, and it grosses me out. My gut bulges out of the top of my pants and if I try to squash it down with a spanks type under gear (the kind that smashes your gut bulge down so it doesn't jiggle under your clothes) — it hurts crazy bad. If I wear wet suit surfing, I look like a penguin that ate a sea lion. Would a colonic help deflate my balloon gut?

A: My first answer to your question is yes, colonics can help flatten your stomach. But before you start yelling woop! woop! and toss your spanks into the Goodwill donation bag, you need to find out what is causing the blow up in the first place.  The most common cuase of a gut blow up is pressure building up in the colon that can't release due to organ tissue dehydration and plaque in the colon. There are also valves in your digestive tract. If the organ tissue these values are made of are dehydrated, they just won't open enough and all this pressue builds up. If this was the cause, during your colonic, you would see huge air pockets released, and the stomach feels softer and starts to deflate.

Acid stomach:  If you're the type of person who eats acidy foods like lots of sugar, carbs, or you drink alot of coffee, beer and liquor, the organ tissues in your gut start swelling from inflammation. One colonic will not be the miracle cure if you've been stress eating or just living the good life consuming alot of these acidy foods. You may need a series of treatments because inflammation recedes gradually. Your stomach will gradually deflate, and you have to be patient.If you don't see instant results, don't give up and suck down a Meat Lover's Special Pizza from Pizza Hut. Just be patient with yourself. Even though your stomach seems like it suddenly blew up, it actually took time for your system to go way out of balance to the point where it just seems like it happened instantly. The condition of the digestive system gradually starts to change when the colon gets an acid buildup, which then causes mucus to form on the walls of the colon, which then blocks absorption and dramatically reduces the amount of water and nutrients you can absorb. You body starts getting out of balance till it reaches a point where its WAY out of BALANCE, and thats where you can suddenly look like a penguin who ate a sea lion.

I hope this helps your dilemma. If you're patient and trust the process, your stomach will eventually become flatter.

Kitty also addresses the next 2 questions AND MORE on her website, The Happy Crapper.

THERE ARE MANY WAYS TO COLON CLEANSE?  WHICH IS THE BEST?

Q:   I'm shopping around for colonics and I heard there's two kinds of colonics. Are they all the same? There are different prices for different kinds. I'm sorta confused. What's your opinion on how I can chose the best ones for my bloating and constipation?

A:  Not all colonics are the same. You'd think there would be some sort of definition to seperate the two types, but it's like calling every kind of transportation that has wheels  a “VEHICLE” –whether it's a limo or a moped.

Here's the break down:

The OPEN SYSTEM Colonic is the MOPED.  You lay on this weird shaped basin-like bed and a skinny tube goes into your butt. It's supposed to fill up your colon with water, then you have to push out the poop. I have two words for an open system: “Exhausting” and “EEEEEWWWW!”

I'm the germ-phobic type, so the idea of pushing out waste and having poop-tinged water splashing around gives me the creepy crawlies. First of all, how many people have been pooping in that basin you're butt is aimed at, and how sanitary is that? Forcing out waste aggravates hemhroids and can irritate the organ tissues of the colon. The water is high pressure and hard to tolerate. I call this system an “expensive enema”. These sessions cost anywhere from $60 to $100 and you're lucky if they clean out more than 6 inches of an organ thats 5 feet long. Sure, you might feel some relief, but it's a rough ride and kinda gross. Sometimes they leave you in the room alone and you operate the water instrument yourself. If you're not a trained professional, it's like body building without a trainer or a spotter. It's a lot of money for minimal results.

The CLOSED SYSTEM COLONIC is the LIMOUSINE. All you do is lay on a nice clean massage table with a sterile tube in your butt. This tube is a one time use disposable, no one but you will experience it.  There's no mess or smell or exposed waste. The water gently and comfortably trickles into your large intestine until the whole five feet fills up. (not just the last 5-10 inches like in the open system)

Anything that doesn't belong in your colon, such as excess acid, mucous, plaque (looks like black tar) or parasites will neatly roll out of you into the tube and go through an instrument that transfers it into a pipe that rolls right into the sewer system like a toilet or sink would dispose of waste water. The clean water pumped into your colon NEVER crosses with the waster water passin through the instrument. (the LIMO)

Many times a closed system costs even less than an open system! I'm amazed when I hear the prices these people charge for YOU doing most of the work. Imagine pushing out poop for 45 minutes! Exhausting and gross. You don't even get to read and relax. A closed system colonic is sometimes so relaxing you might even fall asleep and dream about the poop fairy making your tummy all sparkly clean.

Colon hydrotherapy on a closed system can be very rehabilitative if done properly by an experienced well trained, gifted in the healing arts therapist. So if you're calling around about prices ask the place weather they use an open or closed system. I'd hate for you to have a shitty experience–the “bad” kind of shitty, that is.

I highly recommend the closed system over the open system colonic.  Why drive yourself on a moped when you can get there in a limo?

COLONICS VS COFFEE ENEMAS?

Q: Lately I've heard that people actually put coffee in their colon. What's up with that? I like my Starbucks latte's…but never once have I thought of having coffee of any kind injected into my butt. Can you tell me why this is such a popular practice?

A: For many years, many people have asked me if coffee enemas are good for liver detoxing. My answer is this: I would not recommend including BLACK coffee into a colonic OR doing it at home with an enema because black coffee is highly acidic and it will irritate the organ tissues. Then you would need another coffee enema to recover from the dehydrating side effects of the previous one. So people tend to get “hooked” on them. But there is one type of coffee enema that doctors who practice integrative medicine recommend, which is organic BLONDE coffee. The beans are not roasted to the point of creating the type of acidity that irritates the colon. The reason why blonde coffee enemas are popular, is because they activate the colon, which helps the liver dump out excess toxins stored when the liver is weak. So if you do feel adventurous and want to try this added to your colonic, or do it yourself with an enema kit at home, make sure it's organic blonde coffee. There is one type that integrative doctors and practitioners recommend and is also the preferred coffee used by The Gerson Institute which treats patients with illnesses using natural method of healing.

The brand name of the coffee exclusively for coffee enemas is: S.A. Wilson's fine grind Organic Coffee. You'll have a nice colon and liver detox experience without the acidy irritation.

The only downside is that you can't order one at Starbucks.

WATCH MY HOW TO DO A COFFEE ENEMA VIDEO HERE

COLON HYDROTHERAPY WORKS BEST AS A TEAM…

As Kitty mentions in the video, colon hydrotherapy is one AMAZING way to cleanse the colon, hydrate it and open up the lines of communication so nutrients can properly get absorbed by the body.

But remember, eating a processed food diet will put you in the same place you were in before you had your colonic treatment.

And hence, pairing your colonics with a diet that your body will LOVE is a MUST…because it will love you back by lending you ABUNDANT streams of energy, beauty and clarity.  This is why Team Diane and Kitty pair nicely together like pizza and beer.

mmmmm, let's try that again.

Team Diane and Kitty pair nicely together like avocado and salmon.  

To summarize our approach: CLEAN YOUR ASS to EXPOSE YOUR ABS!

If you want me to save your ass in more ways than 1, you should probably ASScribe to my YouChannel.

AND if you want to join the tribe of thousands of other warriors whose abs have been exposed as a result of following my detox and hormone advise, Check out The Warrior Cleanse.  It will change your LIFE…and the shape of your a$$.  😉

And how clean it is!

To get your ass in the best shape of your life, INSIDE & OUT, all you have to do is get ahold of us for your FREE consult:

CONTACT DIANE

CONTACT KITTY

And last but not least, join THOUSAND of others in our Private for Women Only Facebook Group, Unicorn Wellness Warriors, to candidly talk $hit, hormones, sexy body, healthy solutions and detox drudgery with a group of amazing women you can call family. That is originally where I shared this video! Your tribe awaits!

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