January 1, 2015 (yes a year ago)…I asked for one thing I wanted to develop as a resolution:
It scared the F*ck out of me to set that intention…because…I've NEVER been patient…there's NO way I'll ever acquire that…wait, maybe if I…No, there's no way Di…wait, but we've never really TRIED…ugh, ok, let's do it, let's give it a shot…Oh, man, this sucks. I'm scared…I'm afraid to fail…wait, no I'm not, we fail all the time…but not at something THIS hard…holy self talk craziness.
I get impatient with myself just THINKING about becoming more patient. (I'm F*cked)
- 2015 was one of the toughest years of my life.
But I also grew more than any one year I can recall.
Why? I liken it to…I FAILED more than in other years.
Which means, I tried harder. I surrendered more. I #gavelessfucks
Did I develop patience to the tune I set out to?
But I DO firmly believe, I set the stage to practice for the big game.
The big game showed up August 24, 2015.
And it f*cked me up big time.
It kicked my ass and shook me up…time to learn this patience thing.
First I resisted, then it resisted me.
Then it came back…and I'm getting another shot at patience.
And now I realize this lesson that came in the form of a person, is here to teach me this. HOLY SHIT, I ASKED FOR THIS.
Intentions we set out for, can show up in many forms – a message, a person, a job, an accident, a loss…I strongly believe in #lawsofattraction, and lately, what I seek, seeks me at rapid speed.
I believe this mindset, this journey, is the path toward our truth, our dreams, the closest place to enlightenment/God/higher selves we can reach. And still, along the way, we remind ourselves that:
It's not about the destination, it's about the journey…the journey and the sweet taste of ‘desire', is more exciting than the feeling of ‘acquire'
Today is Day 1 of 30 for my social media movement to #patience. I would love it if others did this with me. Why am I doing this? We live WAY too damn fast…the majority of our default is to EXPECT immediate gratification. The more married to our phones I witness our society…the more I feel drawn to nature, in silence, with a pack of lions or tigers, just breathing … #vipasana anyone?
“Hey can you be in all 5 of these places at once? And come in on Sunday? Yeah… That would be great…thanks!”
- I visited a friend, who has been with her beau for 20 years. He wasn't always as grateful for her as he is now. She felt it, but he didn't always *say* it. My ‘love language' being words of affirmation is ego based. Why do we always NEED to hear how awesome we are when we already KNOW it? This was inspirational to me. (this is kinda humbling to share)
- At one point, I wanted to cry because I felt unloved from something that triggered me…a moment I recalled from my teenage years I projected into my *now*. Instead, I cultivated patience within myself to breathe and just be in this moment, not the past, which is where the fear originated.
- My trainer yelled at me for using a piece of equipment wrong (apparently we all use it wrong)…and instead of feeling embarrassed, and lashing out at him, I apologized, then advised him not to yell at his members the same, because I perceived him to be angry at me. My patience to understand he didn't DO anything TO me; rather a part of me was triggered IN me, that I was patient with.
Self patience breeds patience toward others, and their patience of US.